


Distractions and Numbers and The Art Of Not Listening

by bloodyfandom



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:32:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyfandom/pseuds/bloodyfandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a case out of town the team ends up in a hotel for the night where Gibbs tries to solve a problem, Tony tries to distract him and McGee and Ziva try not to hear it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distractions and Numbers and The Art Of Not Listening

His eyes are crossing from staring at these numbers and figures for so long. There’s something they’ve missed though and he’s determined to find it. While Gibbs doesn’t consider himself a math genius, he’s got a passing knowledge and maybe he’ll see something McGee didn’t.  
  
A strong pair of hands grip his shoulders and dig into the sore muscles there, making him groan, his chin dropping to his chest.  
  
“Think maybe you should take a break, Boss,” Tony rumbles.  
  
“Think if you keep that up I won’t argue,” Gibbs moans.  
  
The air conditioner cycles on blowing stale air around the room. He hates hotels. They remind him too much of hospitals – they feel foreign, each sterile of any real personality or comfort, if not actually sterile from germs. They’re both _between_ places, a place you’re forced to stay until you’re allowed to go home.  
  
Home is a little less empty these days. It’s filling up with Blu-Rays and expensive suits and laughter - but tonight home is here with him so the only thing really bothering him is not being able to crack this case.  
  
That and his stiff neck anyway but Tony is making quick work of that.  
  
Just as he’s about to say his thanks and get back to work, Tony pulls the chair back from the hotel desk and carefully drops to his knees.  
  
Gibbs raises an eyebrow and smirks softly, “Kind of hard to get at my neck from there.”  
  
With a smirk of his own Tony pops open Gibbs’ fly and makes quick work of freeing his prick from the confines of his pants.  
  
As Tony licks along his length Gibbs grunts quietly, head falling back as he tangles his fingers in Tony’s hair. He reaches up and fumbles with his glasses, tossing them onto the desktop as Tony takes him into his mouth. They have to be quiet. McGee and Ziva are right next door.  
  
“Tony…” Gibbs breathes.  
  
He sucks in a breath as Tony hums in response. There’s a soft knock at the door conjoining the rooms and Tony scrambles under the desk. Gibbs scoots the chair forward, putting his glasses back on just as McGee pops his head in.  
  
“Hey, Boss. Here’s the other file I was looking at. You said you wanted it when I was done.”  
  
Gibbs nods and gestures towards the table with the case file on it, “Leave it there. Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” McGee says, lips pressing into a tired smile, “Where’s Tony?”  
  
Gesturing towards the door, Gibbs shrugs, “Went for a walk. Needed some air.”  
  
“Oh…um…Ziva and I were going to order some pizza. Are you guys hungry?”  
  
“Sure, Tim. Thanks.”  
  
Tony licks at the head of Gibbs’ dick, teasing it with the rough pad of his thumb. Gibbs grunts and reaches under the desk, grabbing Tony’s hand in a vice-like grip.  
  
“You ok, Boss?”  
  
“Twinge in my knee,” Gibbs says with a grimacing smile, “Let me know when the pizza gets here.”  
  
“Ok,” McGee nods, closing the door behind himself as he goes back into his own room.  
  
Gibbs pushes away and smacks the back of Tony’s head as soon as he comes out from under the desk. Tony huffs out a laugh and immediately goes to lock both the doors.  
  
“Tony,” Gibbs grumbles, glaring at him.  
  
“It’s 8 o’clock in a college town, Boss. It’s going to be close to two hours before that pizza gets here. Add another 45 minutes onto that because Ziva can never decide what kind of toppings she wants.”  
  
Gibbs chuckles and covers his mouth, leaning forward and peering up at Tony with a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
  
“Guess you’d better get busy then.”  
  
Licking his lips and looking Gibbs over with a hungry gaze, Tony strides forward and makes quick work of Gibbs’ belt before tugging his pants down. Gibbs lifts his hips and watches Tony toss his pants carelessly across the room.  
  
“Bet you wouldn’t chuck your Gucci on the floor like that.”  
  
“Good thing you don’t wear Gucci,” Tony smirks, taking Gibbs’ length back into his mouth, sucking enthusiastically.  
  
Gibbs’ eyes slide shut as Tony works him over, mouth hot and wet around him, bringing him quickly to hardness. He scratches at Tony’s scalp lightly, encouraging him without words.  
  
Not that Tony needs encouragement.  
  
Then Tony’s pressing his fingers underneath, behind Gibbs’ balls, rubbing at his hole gently. Gibbs props a leg up on Tony’s shoulder. It’s precarious but if they fall over at least they’ll get a laugh out of it, Gibbs thinks with a hazy grin.  
  
Gibbs hears the snick of a cap being flipped opened and then there are slick fingers slowly working into his hole. He groans lowly, brow furrowing as he grimaces faintly. He’s practically sitting on Tony’s hand; he can’t pull away from the invasion without some awkward maneuvering and even if he could pull away he doesn’t really want to. In a minute the burn will fade and he’ll adjust.  
  
Suddenly Tony pulls off, cum and spit smeared over his lips.  
  
“This isn’t going to work.”  
  
“What?” Gibbs asks fuzzily.  
  
“Come on,” Tony draws back, pulling out his fingers and manhandling Gibbs to his feet and onto the desk.  
  
“What the hell, Tony…Hey!” Gibbs growls as he’s pushed onto his back.  
  
But then Tony descends on him again, bobbing his head on Gibbs’ length and sliding his fingers back into him. It’s definitely more comfortable for him this way and Tony seems to have a better handle on things now. Gibbs bends one leg, planting his foot on the wood surface, letting the other leg fall to the side so Tony has all the access he needs to do what he wants. Tony hums his approval, pulling off to pump Gibbs’ prick with his fist for a moment, catching his breath.  
  
There’s something a little incredible about the way Tony seems to be able to do three things at once with only two hands. Gibbs has always marveled at the way Tony will pull something out of seemingly nowhere when they’re in the middle of a case and he’s doubly impressed when Tony does it in the bedroom. Gibbs isn’t sure where the lube came from in the first place but now Tony’s adding more, slowly working in a third finger and Gibbs bites his lower lip, muffling the short moans that he can’t hold back as best he can.  
  
Tony gets him slick, ignoring the way Gibbs pushes at his shoulder faintly, trying to get him to pull off for a minute. Instead of pulling off, Tony starts fingering him fast and a little hard, continuing to bob his head, sucking hard as he pulls back. Gibbs starts to groan, loud and continuously. Tony quickly presses a palm over Gibbs’ mouth and Gibbs presses his own hand over Tony’s. He realizes this is something straight out of a bad porno. He’s got on nothing but an undershirt and his socks, Tony is still fully dressed and they’re doing it on a desk in a hotel. If he weren’t about to cum his brains out he’d laugh.  
  
He feels his orgasm spiraling closer, Tony’s fingers are ghosting over his prostate, making his thighs shake and his stomach muscles clench. Tony is sucking him hard and Gibbs’ moans are coming sharp and fast as his back arches and he cums. Tony milks him, taking it all, fingers still buried deep in Gibbs’ ass and massaging his prostate firmly, drawing it all out.  
  
When Tony finally pulls off, he slips his hand under Gibbs’ neck and kisses him, sharing Gibbs’ cum. Gibbs’ brow furrows but he doesn’t push Tony off. He kisses him back and takes it – he knows this is one of those things that’s a big turn on for Tony and he couldn’t deny him if he wanted to.  
  
After his legs stop shaking, Gibbs slides off the desk and bends over it, looking over his shoulder at Tony. Smirking smugly, Tony strokes his own dick, getting it slick.  
  
Gibbs presses his forehead to the back of his hand, mouth slack and nose grazing the desktop as Tony enters him.  
  
\--  
  
Gibbs’ is hot and tight around his dick. When he bottoms out Gibbs’ clenches and Tony bites his lip, slapping Gibbs’ ass sharply.  
  
“Keep it down,” Gibbs growls, obviously turned on.  
  
Chuckling softly, Tony does it again and then thrusts hard.  
  
“We’ll tell them we were playing patty cake.”  
  
Tony starts thrusting evenly, hands caressing Gibbs’ back and ass before gripping his hips firmly. His pace picks up, their flesh slapping together noisily. Tony’s already impossibly hard just from getting Gibbs off but he wants to revel in this for a while so he tugs at his balls a little and tries to hold onto his control.  
  
Bending over Gibbs’ back, he kisses the nape of the other man’s neck, evening out his thrusts again.  
  
“You feel so good,” he rumbles in Gibbs’ ear.  
  
\--  
  
Gibbs reaches back, keeping Tony close as his breathing picks back up, body doing its best to get him hard again.  
  
After a while every thrust feels like it’s sucking the breath out of him, the pleasure almost too much to bear and he forgets that they don’t have all night, that he has two subordinate agents next door, that they’re on a case…  
  
\--  
  
Tony is sucking at the skin over Gibbs’ spine, right at the base of his neck. He’s determined to leave a mark there, something he can touch that will make Gibbs shudder with pleasure and a little annoyance.  
  
Everything in the world is narrowed down to him and Gibbs; there is no hotel, no city, no state outside of this space. It’s just them.  
  
He reaches around to tease at the head of Gibbs’ dick, his other arm wrapping around to hug Gibbs to his chest.  
  
His hips pick up pace a little as he slowly starts to lose control, the familiar tightening and heat overwhelming him as he bites down on Gibbs’ shoulder to muffle his moans. He’s distantly aware of Gibbs clenching around him, the way the other man shudders and moans into his own hand. Tony kisses at his shoulder and back, carefully pulling out. He helps Gibbs stand up, watching Gibbs turn and lean against the desk, gaze far away as he rubs at his chest and just under the head of his dick, riding out aftershocks of pleasure. Tony chuckles and kisses him, pulling their bodies close, careful of his sensitive prick. His jaw is a little sore from going down on Gibbs for so long but he feels incredibly good – satisfied with himself and the world for just a moment.  
  
Gibbs is holding him back, relaxed and sated in his arms, kissing him back lazily. Finally Tony pulls away, pressing their foreheads together.  
  
“We should shower. There’s a 24 hour dry cleaning place around the corner, I’ll take our clothes over after we eat.”  
  
“Good idea,” Gibbs smirks, “Can’t imagine arresting anybody smelling like a cheap hooker.”  
  
Tony tsk’s, shaking his head, “No way, Boss.”  
  
He caresses Gibbs’ ass, kissing him tenderly before pulling back no more than an inch.  
  
“There’s nothing cheap about you. I had to work really hard to earn this,” he breathes against Gibbs’ lips.  
  
“That was really cheesy,” Gibbs says softly, corners of his mouth quirking up with a pleased smile.  
  
“Yeah but you love it.”  
  
Gibbs rolls his eyes and threads his fingers into Tony’s hair, pulling him down for one last kiss.  
  
“Shower,” he says firmly.  
  
Tony chuckles and nods, stepping back and hauling Gibbs against him before walking backwards towards the bathroom.  
  
They shower and since neither Ziva nor McGee have knocked on their door, Tony changes into the musty smelling sweats from his overnight bag, his nose crinkled with disdain at the scent and runs their suits to the dry cleaners. By the time he gets back Gibbs is sitting at the desk again, munching away on pepperoni and staring at the papers spread out before him.  
  
He nods with a grunt towards Tony’s pizza and drink on the table, not looking up.  
  
“Mr. McAllister, your very own cheese pizza,” Tony grins, taking a big bite.  
  
Gibbs glances up, raising an eyebrow and shaking his head.  
  
“So?” Tony asks around a mouthful as he stands next to one of the beds with the A.C. blowing at his back.  
  
With a heavy sigh, Gibbs sits back and shakes his head again.   
  
“You wrecked my concentration,” he glares.  
  
Tony finishes off his piece of pizza, wiping at his mouth with a napkin and nods.  
  
“Wow,” he deadpans, “What a shame.”  
  
Growling, Gibbs surges to his feet and Tony shivers a little, unable to contain the pleased smile.  
  
Gibbs pushes Tony to sit on the edge of the bed, tangling his fingers in Tony’s hair and putting his other hand at Tony’s throat. He forces Tony’s head back and kisses him brutally, plundering Tony’s mouth with his tongue.  
  
“Tomorrow morning I’m going to ride your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.”  
  
With a shit-eating grin, Tony cups Gibbs’ crotch, “You promise?”  
  
Gibbs only growls and kisses him again, crowding Tony back onto the mattress.  
  
He settles on top of Tony and they make out for a while. Tony grins as Gibbs ducks his head, sucking at Tony’s neck. He’s comfortable in the cradle of Tony’s hips and Tony strokes his hair and neck, encouraging him to do whatever he likes.  
  
There’s a soft knock again and Gibbs grunts with frustration, quickly pushing himself off of Tony. They grab another slice each and Tony opens the door, propping a hip against the doorframe as he takes a bite.  
  
“Yeah, Probie?” he mumbles around his food.  
  
“We’re turning in,” McGee yawns, scratching at his stomach.  
  
“You need me to tuck you in?” Tony grins, “Sing you a lullaby?”  
  
“No,” McGee scoffs.  
  
“Ziva, do you need a lullaby?” Tony calls into the room.  
  
“No music, I am not in the band…” Ziva mumbles and trails off, already half asleep.  
  
Tony and McGee smirk at each other.  
  
“Sweet dreams, Probester.”  
  
“Yeah, Tony, you too,” McGee rolls his eyes and then calls into the other room, “Night Gibbs.”  
  
“Night,” Gibbs grunts, finishing off his pizza and glaring at the papers on the desk.  
  
Tony grimaces and McGee winces. They each turn, Tony shutting the door as he looks over Gibbs with mild concern.  
  
“Think maybe you should give up the ghost for the night, Boss. Look at it with fresh eyes in the morning.”  
  
Gibbs shakes his head, “Probably right. Just feel like I’m looking right at the answer and…”  
  
“You still can’t see it?”  
  
Gibbs nods, scratching at his chin. Sighing, Tony goes and brushes his teeth. There’s not much he can do about this short of pulling a Hail Mary out of his rear and solving the case. This isn’t his department, though. He’s done his research, snooped around, flirted with all the people he needed to flirt with and glared down all the people who were unimpressed by the flirting. The numbers thing is McGee’s specialty and while Tony could do what Gibbs is doing and give himself a headache with it, he knows that he just isn’t equipped for figuring out complex equations.  
  
Not that he hadn’t tried at first but when the numbers started doing a conga across the page he’d admitted defeat and gone over the rest of the evidence again, trying to see if there was anything he’d missed.  
  
Unfortunately there wasn’t which left him right back where he’d started – trying to keep Gibbs from putting himself in an early grave.  
  
Gibbs is nodding off when Tony comes back out, cheek propped on one fist and eyelids drooping as he struggles to stay awake.  
  
“Come on, Boss,” Tony urges gently, pulling him to his feet.  
  
Gibbs glares at him a little but doesn’t argue. They strip down to their boxers and climb into one of the large, surprisingly comfortable beds.  
  
Heaving out one last sigh, Gibbs settles in next to Tony, laying his head on the other man’s shoulder and staring off at the wall for a while.  
  
Tony rests a hand on the back of his neck and the other on the arm thrown over his middle. He takes a deep breath and tries to clear his mind, knowing that the longer his body stays tense and awake the longer it’ll take Gibbs to fall asleep. He concentrates on relaxing all the individual muscles until he’s practically boneless and he feels Gibbs’ body sag against him more fully.  
  
“Night,” Tony whispers, unable to keep his eyes open any longer.  
  
“Night, Tony.”  
  
Just as they’re about to fall asleep, Gibbs’ eyes shoot open. He quickly extricates himself from Tony’s arms, crawls over the other man and all but bounces off the bed. He grabs the papers from the desk and starts shuffling them around, growling as he snatches up his glasses, eyes scanning the rows of numbers.  
  
“…that’s it.”  
  
Tony grumbles and sits up, “What?”  
  
“Ha!” Gibbs grins, striding over to the door separating the two rooms.  
  
“Gibbs!” Tony barks.  
  
“What?” Gibbs snaps back.  
  
“Pants?”  
  
Gibbs looks down and rolls his eyes, snatching up the nearest pair before barging into the room next door.  
  
“McGee! Wake up!”  
  
McGee starts awake and scrambles out of bed, fishing around for his own pants when he sees Gibbs looming in the doorway.  
  
“I’m up! I’m…yes, Boss?”  
  
Gibbs thrusts the papers under McGee’s nose.  
  
“You uh…” McGee shakes his head, “what?”  
  
“Look at the 3’s.”  
  
McGee’s eyes scan the paper and then go wide, “If you take out the 3’s then…”  
  
“The results make sense. It’s why the numbers didn’t add up right.”  
  
With a huge grin, McGee looks up at Gibbs, “Way to go, Boss.”  
  
“Thanks, McGee,” Gibbs says dryly, “Now figure out what it adds up to.”  
  
“…what, _now_?”  
  
Gibbs looks McGee over, seeing the tired lines around his eyes, and sighs, “McMillan thinks he has us beat.”  
  
“…yeah, he was really smug,” McGee nods, leaving the unspoken ‘what a jerk’ hanging in the air between them.  
  
“Can wait until morning.”  
  
“Thanks, Boss,” McGee breathes with relief.  
  
“Yeah,” Gibbs waves him off, turning to go back to bed himself.  
  
“Um…are those Tony’s pants?”  
  
Gibbs glances down, realizing for the first time that the legs are too long.  
  
“Everyone knows you’re sleeping together,” Ziva groans drowsily, “just say yes so we can all go back to sleep.”  
  
“Everyone knows _what_?” Gibbs snaps.  
  
“That you are sleeping together,” Ziva repeats, dragging a pillow over her head, “and no one cares. Go back to bed.”  
  
“Yes, they’re my pants,” Tony grumbles, gripping Gibbs’ arm and guiding him firmly back into the other room, “Night guys.”  
  
“Night,” Ziva yawns.  
  
“Night Tony,” McGee smirks.  
  
Tony points a threatening finger at him, “Watch it, Probie.”  
  
McGee sets the papers aside and shakes his head as Tony closes the door.  
  
“Abby is either going to flip out from excitement or kill me for not getting it on tape,” McGee chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck.  
  
Ziva snores softly in response, already asleep.  
  
\--  
  
In the morning Tony wakes up plastered to Gibbs’ back. He smirks when he sees the impressive hickey, low on the back of Gibbs’ neck and pulls away a little to admire the view more fully. There’s a bite mark on Gibbs’ shoulder and bruises all over his hips from Tony’s fingers. He knows if he turned Gibbs over he’d see the fading bruises on Gibbs’ chest and inner thighs from the hickeys he made last week.  
  
His smirk turns into a full blown grin as he lowers his head to suck at the skin just behind Gibbs’ ear. There’s really no point in hiding it any longer anyway.  
  
After worrying the flesh there for a good ten minutes, Gibbs finally hums in the back of his throat and stretches, reaching up to wipe the grit out of his eyes.  
  
“…gonna look like a damn leper,” he mutters, stroking Tony’s head with fumbling fingers.  
  
“Gonna look like somebody really likes you,” Tony rumbles in his ear.  
  
Gibbs rolls over and pulls Tony on top of him.   
  
“Like me on this side too while you’re at it,” he smirks, tilting his head.  
  
Tony quirks his head and grins, giving Gibbs a quick peck on the lips before giving him a matching mark under the other ear. They touch and caress, pricks growing hard as their hips start thrusting minutely.  
  
“You made me a promise last night,” Tony says huskily.  
  
“Did I?” Gibbs smirks, smacking Tony’s ass.  
  
Chuckling, Tony pulls away, putting his ass in the air and face to the mattress. Gibbs never could resist the sight of Tony asking for it so wantonly. Gibbs shuffles off the bed to find the lube, pausing for a moment to look Tony over.  
  
He only gives Tony one finger and a generous amount of lube before slicking himself up. He presses his dick to Tony’s hole and at a tortuously slow pace pushes past the first ring of muscle until just the head of his prick is inside. Tony is groaning into a pillow, making hot noises that test Gibbs’ self control to the limit. Shuddering hard, Tony pulls his face away a little, breathing with ragged gasps into the suddenly too cool air of the room.  
  
Licking his lips he starts to wiggle his hips a little, encouraging Gibbs to give him more. With the same care and sedate pace of before, Gibbs starts pushing in again, pulling back only to add more lube until he’s finally in balls deep. Tony’s thighs are shaking with strain, breath coming fast and sharp as he struggles to adjust. He feels Gibbs’ hands smoothing over his backside, soothing him. Gibbs rocks his hips a little and presses his hand down on Tony’s tailbone.  
  
“You ready?”  
  
“Yeah,” Tony breathes.  
  
Smiling softly, Gibbs takes Tony’s hands and pulls his arms back, gripping his wrists firmly, forcing Tony to spread his legs wider and press his face into the mattress, back arching. Tony groans a little and Gibbs thrusts, hips snapping brutally. He wastes no time in setting up a hard, fast pace that leaves them both breathless. Tony bites at the sheets, trying to muffle his moans as Gibbs slams into him.  
  
Tony feels Gibbs adjusting his grip, holding both of Tony’s wrists with one hand, pushing Tony’s arms even further up his back as he reaches around to jerk Tony off with a tight fist. It forces Tony to spread his legs even wider, straining to support the extra weight Gibbs places on him. Gibbs speeds up his thrusts and Tony feels his orgasm come on like a freight train.  
  
“Gibbs,” Tony gasps, seed spilling over the other man’s fingers.  
  
Gibbs lets Tony’s wrists go, grabbing Tony’s hips, fingers smearing cum over Tony’s skin as he concentrates on his own orgasm. Tony’s arms ache a little so he just focuses on staying upright long enough to ride Gibbs out, smirking faintly when he hears Gibbs shout, dick throbbing inside of Tony’s body.  
  
He grunts when Gibbs collapses on top of him, knees finally giving out as he’s pressed into the mattress.  
  
“Damn,” Gibbs mutters against Tony’s skin, kissing at his shoulder blade.  
  
“Yeah,” Tony grins, reveling in Gibbs’ body holding him down.  
  
Gibbs grabs his wrists, holding Tony still as he works at making a large hickey high up on the back Tony’s neck.  
  
“Trying to make a statement?” Tony asks, voice a little breathy.  
  
“Yeah. That you got fucked,” Gibbs growls, nipping at Tony’s skin, “Thought you liked bragging about that?”  
  
Tony bucks up against him, “Not anymore. But for you I’ll make an exception.”  
  
“How’d they find out?” Gibbs rumbles lowly in Tony’s ear.  
  
Tony grunts as Gibbs starts sucking at his neck again, “Remember a few months ago when… _ah_ …your shoulder was hurting you?”  
  
Gibbs bites Tony in response.  
  
“Ow. And I rubbed it out for you in the downstairs bathroom…and you were kind of…loud about it. Ziva was convinced we were ‘doing it’ and she teased me about it for a month solid. She told Abby and Abby…remember all that lube I brought home?...OW, Gibbs!... _Jesus_ …anyway, it was from Abby.”  
  
Licking his lips, Gibbs pulls back a little, “She’s probably torturing McGee for details.”  
  
“Is it good or bad that he doesn’t know any?”  
  
Pondering this for a second, Gibbs bites at the other side of Tony’s neck, “Both.”  
  
“Ah!...ow, come on…how many hickeys do I need back there?”  
  
“Purple’s a good color on you.”  
  
“Jerk,” Tony mumbles, biting back a smile.  
  
\--  
  
Exiting the diner, they head out to pick up Corporal McMillan and a chilly autumn breeze shakes the trees, dumping leaves on them. Ziva had been poking mercilessly at Tony’s neck ever since breakfast when she’d noticed the giant hickey below his hairline so when he helps Gibbs pull a few leaves out of his shirt collar, he tugs it down a little, letting Ziva get an eyeful before plucking out the offending leaves and brushing Gibbs’ shoulders off. Gibbs brushes the leaves out of his own hair and then gleefully messes up Tony’s hair under the guise of ridding him of the fall detritus.  
  
“Hey…hey!” Tony fends him off, “Knock it off.”  
  
Gibbs cuffs the back of his head, “Like that?”  
  
Tony grimaces, “…thanks, Boss.”  
  
Snorting softly, Gibbs pulls out his car keys, “Come on people, we’ve got a job to do.”  
  
\--  
  
 _The Night Before_  
  
The door shuts and Ziva flicks her eyes over at McGee.  
  
“So?”  
  
McGee glances over his shoulder with a smirk, “Tony was giving Gibbs a blow-job under the desk. They want pizza.”  
  
“…should I give them a little extra time before I call?”  
  
“You said you wanted pineapple, didn’t you?”  
  
“Yes but veggie is also quite good,” Ziva smiles tapping the side of her nose, “I might not be sure.”  
  
McGee laughs and shakes his head, “I’m actually hungry.”  
  
“Well, then they had better make it a quickie.”  
  
“You know they never do,” McGee rolls his eyes, pulling out his phone to text Abby.  
  
 _“Gibbs and Tony are doing it again.”_  
  
Abby texts back quickly, _“What?!?! Where am I when all the good stuff happens?!”  
  
“Not in the field? Believe me, Abby, if I could switch places with you right now I would.”  
  
“I need details!! What’s going on? Can you hear them? Is it wild monkey sex???”_  
  
McGee’s ears go pink, _“I’m pretty sure Tony was giving Gibbs a blow-job under the desk when I walked in.”  
  
“OMG!!!!!”  
  
“I don’t know, Gibbs said Tony was off on a walk and it was just a twinge in his knee.”  
  
“OMG!!!!! No way, he would never say something like that unless he was trying to hide something; he just would’ve glared at you until you ran away!! OMG, Tony is such a dirty boy!”_  
  
McGee chokes a little and Ziva raises an eyebrow at him briefly before going back to watching T.V.  
  
 _“Abby, I need to call out for pizza, if anything exciting happens I’ll let you know, ok?”  
  
“You’d better Timothy McGee!!!!”  
  
“God, Abby, you should just ask them if you can watch sometime.”  
  
“If I thought they’d let me I SO WOULD. Enjoy your pizza!”  
  
“Thanks, Abby.”_  
  
They hear a muffled groan and look up at the door separating the two rooms.  
  
“Gibbs?” Ziva quirks her head.  
  
“I don’t want to play this game tonight, Ziva,” McGee grumbles, dialing the number from the placard on top of the nightstand.  
  
“Why not?” Ziva grins, “I bet Tony is…what is the word? _Topping_ him.”  
  
McGee turns bright red, “Um…because we were drunk last time and now we’re not? Besides, I don’t want to think about Tony giving it to Gibbs up the butt…”  
  
 **“Um…thank you for calling Peter Piper’s Perfect Pizza, how can I make your pizza perfect today?”**  
  
McGee’s eyes go wide and he stammers out, “Uh…I uh…delivery.”  
  
 **“Ok, where will we be delivering to?”**  
  
“Hotel Heaven on route 90. Room 109.”  
  
 **“And what would you like?”**  
  
“One two litre Pepsi and one two litre 7UP and two pizzas. One pepperoni and one half pineapple, half extra cheese.”  
  
 **“Would you like a side of buttsex…I mean breadsticks! Oh, God, I can’t believe I just said that. It’s just you said…and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it and…”**  
  
“It’s ok,” McGee assures her, “Um…really, it’s fine.”  
  
 **“Um…the…the breadsticks are free, your order will be there in an hour thank you and have a nice day.”**  
  
McGee hears a click and then blinks at the phone, “Uh…”  
  
“What?” Ziva half smiles with curiosity.  
  
He laughs, “She heard me say the thing about Tony and Gibbs. When she went to ask me if we wanted breadsticks she said buttsex by mistake.”  
  
Ziva laughs and flips the channel, gesturing for McGee to come sit down.  
  
For a while they just watch terrible reality shows until they hear more groaning - louder this time. They look at each other and start laughing, shaking their heads and poking each other knowingly. Then they hear the distinct sound of flesh striking flesh.  
  
“A spanking?” Ziva practically giggles.  
  
“Oh, God,” McGee groans, curling into a fetal position, “Oh, God, I need alcohol to deal with this kind of thing.”  
  
“Take some from the mini bar,” Ziva suggests.  
  
“Those aren’t free, Ziva.”  
  
Ziva smirks and covers her mouth as more sounds filter into their room, “Then I believe you will simply have to suffer, McGee.”  
  
McGee groans and pulls a pillow over his head.  
  
“You could knock on the door,” Ziva suggests, “Tell them…tell them that you wanted to look over something in the file.”  
  
He gives her an incredulous, horrified look and Ziva shrugs.  
  
“Yeah, sure, Ziva. I might as well hand them my balls in a jar.”  
  
Ziva snorts and rolls her eyes, “They might get more use out of them than you do.”  
  
“Hey,” McGee frowns, “Why don’t _you_ go knock on the door?”  
  
Ziva smirks as they hear another muffled groan, “Because, McGee, it does not bother me.”  
  
Shifting on the mattress she clicks over to another station, “Just try not to listen, McGee. Tune it out.”  
  
Grumbling, McGee shifts and settles, “Between your snoring and their sex I need to start remembering to bring earplugs.”  
  
“ _We_ could always have sex,” Ziva says, biting back a wicked grin.  
  
McGee chokes, eyes gone wide, “ _What_?”  
  
“Oh, McGee,” Ziva groans dramatically, writhing as she trails a hand down between her breasts.  
  
“Shut up!” McGee laughs, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her face.  
  
“McGee!” she cries out in mimicry of ecstasy, muffled by the pillow.  
  
“ _Shut up_!” McGee hisses, poking her in the stomach.  
  
Ziva pulls the pillow away and giggles, “Are you ashamed of our love, McGee? Our passion cannot be denied any longer!”  
  
She throws herself on top of him and McGee struggles, “Knock it off, Ziva.”  
  
“McGee…Tim!” she shouts.  
  
McGee clamps a hand over her mouth, “I will do anything you want me to, just shut up!”  
  
Ziva tries to say something and McGee narrows his eyes, pulling his hand away.  
  
“Rub my feet?”  
  
Rolling his eyes, McGee shakes his head, “Your feet smell.”  
  
Ziva frowns at him, “They do not.”  
  
“Right. You don’t snore either.”  
  
Scowling at him, Ziva shrugs one shoulder, “If I wash them?”  
  
Heaving out a put upon sigh, McGee nods, “Fine, geez. _After_ we eat.”  
  
Ziva rolls off of him and bounces on the edge of the bed, looking smug.  
  
“You could just offer a trade off instead of torturing me,” McGee suggests, “I rub your feet, you rub mine? I’d accept, you know.”  
  
Quirking up an eyebrow, Ziva smirks, “Yes, McGee…but where would be the fun in that?”  
  
She finds the remote and clicks through to another station. There’s no more noise coming from the other room and McGee seems to have forgotten his discomfort. Nudging him roughly with her foot, Ziva smiles to herself.

Really, men were just too easy.


End file.
